The Pain of Mother’s Day

Going out to brunch, flowers, frantic scurry for forgotten cards/gifts, juggling in-laws and feigning sleep waiting for that burnt toast while the children prepare breakfast in bed. All happy memories made even more poignant by the incessant lovey-dovey commercials depicting the perfect Mother’s Day.

            What about the pain of those who have abortions, miscarried or had newborns die? According to an article in the Tribune this morning by Burt Constable, over a million mothers face this sort of pain every year on Mother’s Day. Then add the pain of infertility, mom’s who have lost older or adult children, those of us who have lost our moms or people who can’t get along with their moms/children. Suddenly the pain of millions makes a chink in that ever-popular utopian holiday.

            First, energetically, lets talk about abortions, miscarriages and newborns. We all pick our parents. We pick them based on a number of things; age, race, genetics, personalities… in a souls agreement with them before we are born. We all agreed to be together in this lifetime. Or not. What I mean by that is, we are all here to learn lessons. Occasionally the parent(s) lesson may be that they need to suffer a great loss to learn an important lesson in order to grow on a soul level. The would-be baby agreed to fill that contract. So the soul comes into being for a limited time in order to facilitate the parent’s learning. It is not a punishment. It is not a degree from the Almighty. It is simply a lesson, albeit it a difficult one, that the parents have agreed to before their incarnation.

            The other end of the coin is that the baby’s soul decides it simply isn’t ready to fulfill it’s own contract. Perhaps its life plan needs more tweaking or if the lesson plan is changed, these are no longer the appropriate parents to help them learn those lessons, either racially, genetically or for a whole host of other reasons. NO blame here. NO “if I were the right parent, they would have wanted me”….  It was not the right time for that soul.

            My mom used to tell us that “God never gives us more that we can handle”.  Although I believe there is Divine manipulation of events in order to facilitate our learning, I believe we set this up ourselves. I have this vivid picture of these souls sighing up there before incarnation and one of their soul “buddies” (perhaps the child) saying “Are ya SURE you want to do this”?

             I have a client who lost triplets only a few short days after they were born. Many ask, why would anyone agree to such a cruel and devastating “lesson”? Clearly, she is an older soul who has chosen a very difficult life this time around and she is to be commended for her courage in doing so. By focusing on how those souls have helped her to grow as a person, how they still continue to influence her in her life and how they prepared her for further devastation in her life, she continues to move forward reaping the knowledge that these dear departed ones imparted. Does it mean that she has no sorrow or doesn’t miss them? Of course not. Especially since we form energetic bonds to people. (more on that next time).  What is does mean is that she can fully appreciate what they had to teach her. She can let go of the guilt, of the “what if’s” and the “I should haves”.

            I don’t know any parent who has lost a child who isn’t forever changed. Embrace that. All is as it needs to be. They can either surrender to the horrible sadness and wallow in their sorrow or move forward so that they don’t have to continue with the lesson another way. They can learn and grow and be who they are meant to be, all thanks to those children!

So to all the mom’s who have lost children either through abortion, miscarriage or death, I send you many blessings, and urge you on Sunday to celebrate and give thanks to those souls who helped you fulfill a very important contract in your life.